where were you when the world stopped turning?

i lost one of my best friends this week. my dad, our papa, my confidante, my shoulder to lean on, my conscience, my sounding board, my non-stop joker, our nanny, brad's monday lunch buddy. my first instinct, as always, was to call and ask him what to do. we didn't get to say goodbye, but our last conversation was so happy and filled with love. looking back, things came together in the most perfect way so that everyone who was close to him got their own special times with him, not knowing they would be the last. i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason (even if it's not the one we want).

two weeks ago we had a picnic at his house and sweet pea got to play with his tools. on monday he spent a great day with beans and got to witness him pointing to a picture and saying a word. beans held up his end of the bargain and there were no yucky diapers to change which was the ultimate benchmark for my dad. we talked to sweet pea, and his comprehension is very little, but he asked me "when papa dies up will he be a baby again?"

i find solace in the fact that daddy loved me and my brother with all his heart, that he remained so close with his sissy, that he looked at brad as a friend and a son and he cared for sweet pea and beans as if they were the only light in his universe. he passed away with his true best friend - his dog, Dr. Bob Goodman - in his favorite place - home. no fuss, just quick and easy as any one of us hopes for. life will never be the same without him, and i'll long for the days when i can remember him with tears of joy instead of tears of grief.

love you daddy.