ivan

i found an extra book on my reading pile.  the one and only ivan.  sweet pea asked if i would read it and then checked the next morning to see how far i'd gotten.  i think it was the best book he's ever read.  total page turner.  couldn't put it down.  he can't wait to discuss.

joy is....

joy is the peaceful second before the fight over the last corner piece begins.  

first day

i turned away from the bus and caught my neighbor's eye.  he said, "don't do it!"  but i still sniffled and the tears welled in my eyes.  i had to flee before the full on sob happened. 

we have the magic kindergarten teacher again.  i swear we have the best kindie teachers at our school.  in the world.  seriously.  she had her eye on me, though.  i think i scarred her in 2010. 
.

after i took seventy million pictures at the flag pole of beans trying to hide from me, she mentioned, "there will be oj and doughnuts going on in the library.  where kindie parents can go to, you know, do what they do.  you know if you need support or something." 

then she laughed.  i imagine she was remembering the ugly cry i did when i left sweet pea with her the first time. 

sweet pea walked himself to class.  i stopped in to meet his teacher and give him a hug goodbye.  the craziest thing happened.  as i leaned in...i was painfully aware that i was just about to embarass him.  he turned away and i got totally shut down.  sigh...

i blame netflix

it all started with cheaper by the dozen old school (circa 1950) via netflix.  a true american story.  and honestly, for as funny as the movie was, it didn't end well.  *spoiler* just silence on a phone line signaling the death of a father, sent my children into hysterics.  and it led to hours of stories about my dad and how his heart gave out just like mr. gilbreth's did.  and as my baby (i know.  he's five.) lay crying because he will never know his papa, my silent tears stung just as greatly.  and as i tried to comfort him, my thoughts went to my own grandfather who left this life so early in my childhood.  and i thought, even though i knew him and have my very own memories of him, i will never know him without the help of other people's stories.  and those stories come from angled points of view.  daughters.  wife.  acquaintences.  relatives.  i know that's the way for my boys.  they get to hear stories about their papa.  but they will never really know him.  and it's funny.  for as little as i knew my own grandfather, i still feel him in my heart.  and the memories i have of him live there despite his physical absence.  and i wonder if that love and yearning my boys have for the man they will never know comes from the great love he had for them.  that even though he is not on this earth, he left a distinct imprint on their hearts.  just like my gramps.

it's been a long time in the blogging world.  i hope some of you are still around.  we have been working so hard preparing for the spring horseshoe market, that blogging needed to go by the wayside.  it's always hard for me at this time of the year.  it's bittersweet.  i miss my dad as much as the day he left.  four years ago today.  my life would have been so different had he stayed.  but life does go on.  and things are as they should be.  i suppose.

on the banks of plum creek

as the school year starts to wind down, i realize that another time in our lives is about to pass.  and that is the ever coveted tuesday at home.  i have been so fortunate to have a job that would even consider letting me stay home with my boys one day a week.  i have really loved having one on one time with beans.  and i have equally loved being in sweet pea's first grade class on tuesday mornings.  today i had the best reading group ever with the boys.  followed by a heart busting rendition of "lean on me" by one of the kids in the class.  sweet pea's teacher said he brings her to tears every day. 

i made it home from first grade just in time to pack up a picnic lunch for beans and i to share down at the creek.  we live in this special kind of place where if you tell someone that you had lunch by the beaver dam, they know exactly where.  and even though everyone knows where the beaver dam is.  when you're there it seems like you have it all to yourself.  and you have found the most secret, undiscovered piece of property in the world.  we took the puppy.  that dog would not let beans out of his sight.  they shared a ham sandwich (not by beans choice).  and gussy threw himself the stick in the water a hundred times and then sprinted to catch it. 

the only time they left each other's side was when beans headed up the hill without us.  and it was troublesome to gus.  he was full of worry and dismay.  and when he laid eyes on his boy again, there was much wimpering and licking, and promises to never let beans get so far ahead.  ever.  again.

agents sweet pea and beans

at Christmas this year, my boys found a briefcase with some very important spy gear under the tree.  there were instructions that helped them find hidden messages around our house.  those messages led them on fact finding missions and geocaching treasure hunts.  since december, agents sweet pea and beans have learned about hidden ink, and how to break codes.  they have received postcards from tanzania and egypt (for realz) sending them on special missions.  they have learned to email, and have established a correspondence protocol for reporting their findings.  most recently they were asked to dig in a snow bank where x marks the spot and found crazy disguises.  it was all i could do to keep them from going to school incognito.  i have an amazing kind of brother.  don't tell the boys, though.  they don't his real identity:  special agent holmes, in charge of training new recruits.

this one...

cracks my stuff up.

the attitude

enough said....

sorry

sweet pea has lost his manners.  it's been similar to living with a teenager around here lately.  most recently he had to move his light from green to yellow {meaning he got in trouble}.  twice.  so i made him write an apology to his teacher.  i figured it was a pretty age appropriate punishment.  he told her he was sorry for making her job harder.  that he would do more math work all year as punishment.  and he would TRY to keep his hands to self {not myself, he corrected me.  just self.  hands to self}.  oh, that boy!

first grade

this year, unlike years past, i have been able to help out at school on a regular basis.  i am an out of the house working momma.  who has the amazing gift of taking tuesdays off (subject to approval).  the holidays put a damper on my first grade bliss.  so, today, when i walked into sweet pea's classroom i said to his adorable teacher, "honey, i'm home!"  i work with the reading groups.  and each week i see them progress.  today we made up funny stories with difficult vocabulary words.  we analyzed story structure.  we asked questions.  we wrote in complete sentences.  each week i'm blown away by these kiddos.  each and every one of them love their teacher.  she is magical in every way.  very gentle and hip and compassionate and funny.  and when i am in that classroom i can't imagine being anywhere else.  it is such a blessing.

Christmas Vacation

my biggish child avoids pictures at all costs.  however, because he was watching a movie {and i was holding him down} he paused for one photo from the paparazzi.

i have a simple question.  does anyone lose their upper lip when smiling?  i often wonder how i can be so long in the gum.  it reminds me of that fireman (jim carrey) on in living color (from back in the day).

 oh yeah.  my husband is that cute.  and he's holding a puppy.  he's quite a catch.

my baby really is a tortured soul.  tonight he cried himself to sleep praying about his horse situation.  i kid you not.  he told me later that God told him to "give up the dream."  this boy kind of scares me sometimes.  he said he only had one chance to believe in horses and that is all gone now.  it will be interesting to see where he goes from here.  i have a feeling the dream won't die so easily.

fare thee well, october.

 {the bounty of pumpkins and squash from our garden}

 {sweet pea...aka teen wolf}

{i am...batman}

back to school

it was just yesterday this boy was saying, "thankyouyourwelcome" in one sentence.  and, now, here he is off to first grade.  sigh...

all consuming bovine

i've been out to pasture.  i know you'll understand why it's been slim pickins around here.  but me and the cows, we had to come to a meeting of the minds. 

after seven gut wrenching days {you can have those on the ranch} i stumbled into my kitchen to find this amazing stack of mail on the table.  it was not my birthday.  i'm certain it was just a sign from God reminding me that things were starting to look up.  you don't know why these things happen.  you just go with it.

the sweetest letter from japan.  with tons of candy for the boys.  and i kid you not.  these packages are sometimes like a science experiment.  with unreadable directions.  amazing and terrifying all in one box.  but lovely just the same.  and so much appreciated.  {thanks, la!}

the anthropologie catalogue.  enough said.

and something i won on the great monday give courtesy of vintage kids' books my kid loves.  i have to tell you this about once a year if not more.  burgin streetman, formerly known as the scribbler, is my hero.  she's a writer, and a mother, and a book lover.  my hero.  on her blog, i won the book frog went a-courtin'.  she says that it's random luck and the blind point and scroll method that lands me a favorite every now and then.  but when i opened that package i knew otherwise...she just gets my heart.  my dad used to know about one song, and one song only on his guitar.  frog went a-courtin'.  and as i read the first page of the book burgin sent me...the story about the story, i knew even more that this was hand picked for my family.  sadly for my boys they have not been around a lot of quality singers in their life.  but they have insisted that i not read but SING the book to them.  and honestly that's the jist of this tale.  nearly 400 years of parents and grandparents singing the words to their children.  so this silly little song about a frog and his mouse will endure another generation.  amen.  but that's not all.  there was a bird book.  an autographed peter spier.  and a sendak.  there's no doubt about it.  luck had nothing to do with the bounty i received.  {thank you so much, b!}

my sweet pea heads off to first grade this week.  i don't quite have the words for that yet.  except that he is amazing to me in every way.  and this is neither here nor there, but we have been watching one episode a day of the original batman series from 1966.  huh-larry-us!  BLAM!  POW!  THWACK!

one night at the cabin there was a spectacular sunset.  we all ran to get our cameras and then just stood there in awe.  people all up and down the river stood on their docks and watched the sun fade away.  i'm sure most of them were thinking, like us, that it was amazing.  but there was one lonely voice in the crowd who piped up at just the right minute.  "it looks like evil rising," says sweet pea.  you heard the needle on the record scrape too, right?  that kid.  we just shake our heads. 

ho hum

i'm sitting here.  lonely.  my family has flown the coop.  me and the dog are a little mopey.  as a matter of fact, he didn't even want to go outside this morning.  i'm certain that the lack of testosterone in the house has made him question the importance of the outdoor potty.  but i imagine my boys are watering every tree in grand teton national forest without him.  i can feel his angst.  there's a lot of tension coming from that direction.

i was laughing last night when our town librarian called me.  she said that you have all these big plans and then your family leaves and suddenly nothing you had to do seems all that important.  however, this morning it took me the exact same amount of time to get ready for work except for the entire house is clean, the dishes done, and one load of laundry is complete.  so i don't know.  little bodies under foot must slow me down a bit.  and speed up my sense of urgency.

the point of this post if there is one.  would you like me to get to it?  i don't know that there is one, sorry.  all i know is that i woke up this morning praying that my kids didn't fall into jenny lake.  knowing all the while that my husband is way better at "paying attention" to their antics than i am.  hoping that one little colorado columbine plant makes it to the sweet family that will house us this weekend.  wondering about 20 year class reunions.  anxiously anticipating all the friends coming from san diego.  and seattle.  looking forward to some good visiting.  a rodeo, parade and fireworks.

i guess i'm just sitting here where it is so quiet.  and clean.  and, to be honest, boring.  i have all the time in the world, but none of it seems very exciting without constant thought interruption.   i miss my boys.  the end. 

the boys of summer

after a swim, sweet pea and his buddy packed up their old suitcases with yogurt, string cheese and juice boxes and read under the sheets drying on the line.  yep.  it was that kind of a swoony  country day.

moonlight beach

kindie no more

sweet pea had a little performance and pizza party for the last day of school.  as magical as kindergarten has been, he was ready to get out of there and start summer break.  for me the last day was as bittersweet as the first.  while we were gathering up all of his papers from the classroom, another little boy said..."i saw you crying when we were doing the flower dance."  they were happy tears because everyone had grown up so much.  that little class of kindies was amazing.  so sweet to each other.  so much kindness and love.  so much compassion and diversity.  i wish i could put all those blooming flowers in a mason jar on my kitchen table.  just scoop up their innocence and save it forever. 

what six looks like

he couldn't wait to tell me the surprise.  he called on my cell phone to say daddy pulled out his second tooth.  i took a dollar out of his piggy bank for the tooth fairy.  am i the only one who never has cash?  i kid you not.  we both checked the dollar to make sure it wasn't marked.  he's smart like that. 

in the morning he said..."i felt a slight breeze but never saw her. she did leave some clues." he is in the science club at school. he has learned the technique of scientific observation.  he knows about life's natural mysteries.

and he still has baby cheeks.  the end.