super

one thing that was not so super about this weekend was the bronco game.  it was quite a disappointment to say the least.  what would have made it worse would have been snow.  which didn't happen.  so there is a silver lining. i am thankful, so thankful, for the experience.  which leads me to why i love my husband.

most people don't ever know how their actions.  their behavior.  their day to day routine affects someone's life.  enter steve atwater (former denver bronco).  we happened to be standing next to one of his publicity events and started chatting him up.  i said we got to see you play in the super bowl in miami.  my husband used to work for the broncos.  you could say a lot of things to a football star.  you could talk up his game play.  you could stroke his ego.  but my husband says to him, "you were such a pleasure to work with."  and he didn't stop there.  he made sure to tell his wife what a decent man he had been and how appreciative he was for his kindness.  hands down classiest men in the room.  my husband and steve atwater.

last, and certainly not least, heather.  remember our babysitter, heather?  broncos cheerleader.  rookie of the year, now cheer captain.  pro-bowler.  super-bowler.  we are proud of who this girl is and what she stands for.  she is gold inside and out.  and as luck would have it, i got her attention at the game.  i was in tears.  so proud.

soldier

as i stood in the immigration line in tokyo, the man in front of me was a little twitchy.  just a bit more friendly than you would expect from a weary traveler.  a bit more friendly than i was ready to deal with after a twenty hour journey.  he was excited and antsy.  nervous-ish.  i watched him chitter chattering and then he locked his focus on me.  i might as well just come out and say this.  i have a way of attracting certain people i'm not alltogether comfortable with, into my comfort zone.  i believe it has something to do with all those years of people telling me to make eye contact.  to look up, not down.  smile.  say hello.  there are some folks who shy away from those teachings.  but me.  not so much.  my friends roll their eyes.  my husband lets out a long sigh.  and i dig right in.  i meet interesting people, wherever i go.  it's just something you should know about me.

he was clean cut, high and tight if you will.  camouflage.  baby face.  blue eyes.  and talked like a wide open book.  he had just finished his deployment in afghanistan and would be spending the next year on base in japan.  which he loved.  japan, the place he hoped to move someday.  he was born in new mexico, and that made him feel better about afghanistan because he thought they were similar.  before he went back to new mexico, he wanted to be a vagabond and grow long dreads.  he was really excited for udon noodles.  but more excited to drive past the base and get drunk before having to check in.  his job in the military was the only secret he kept.  americans had just been killed by afghanis.  he told me you don't understand what i've seen.

what he said.  the way he said it.  it was so hard to hear.  everything in me told me to shut it down.  to close off and end the conversation.  more out of self-preservation than anything.  his body language and quick words scared me.  his willingness to put it all out there in the immigration line was uncomfortable.  instead i looked at him.  i made eye contact.  i said you are totally right.  i cannot begin to understand the sacrifice you have made.  but i am so glad you told me.  i said, i am so sorry for the things you have been through, but so thankful that you are here.  silence.  and then he was gone.  passport in hand he waved and said have a great trip!

my dad served in vietnam.  once when i was playing an army game on the nintendo {yes, this totally dates me} my dad interrupted me to say that his palms were sweating and that he wanted to take over for me and show me which weapon to use and be done with it.  that was probably the one and only thing he ever said to me about how vietnam made him feel.  watching sarge's army heroes took him back to that place.  who could have imagined.  sometimes i prodded him to open up, but the conversation never got far because i wasn't there and wouldn't understand.  it was the only glimpse i ever had at ptsd.

until tokyo.  and what a strange place to find a man who just needed to get it out.  who just needed someone to see and hear him.  i am thankful to have been in his sights that day so he could say what he needed to say.  not everything, but enough that the pain inside of him didn't get lost in the immigration line.

yogurt parfait

we hopped in the car right after work on friday night.  most people my age were heading for south padre the easy way.  the way college kids go.  with their friends.  on a plane.  a smallish suitcase holding very important spring break items like a bikini, sunglasses and a change of clothes.  we began to drive south.  no real destination in mind.  we just knew that when we got to las cruces we would have to make a choice.  right or left?  california or texas?  most people in my shoes would have taken the right.  spring break on the beach.  but we were not most people.  and we'd never seen texas.  we spent spring break together.  it was one of our weeks after the divorce.  we drove all night and reached san antonio sometime in the am.   he drove all night long to get us there.  he napped and then rallied just like he was in his twenties again.  we did all the tourist type things.  we enjoyed the river walk.  we had margaritas and mexican food.  we shopped at the alamo.  and all the while he listened to me on repeat, "there's no basement at the alamo" (circa: pee wee's big adventure).  why we couldn't leave well enough alone i will never know.  san antonio is pretty amazing.  but the ocean was calling.  so we continued to drive until we reached the gulf coast and found ourselves smack dab in corpus christi.  oh yeah!  oil refineries, jellyfish, and some crazy sea gulls waiting to take your head off.  fun times.  we talked a couple of times about heading over to south padre.  just like all the other spring breakers.  but he was a little funny with bridges, toll roads and paying to get in anywhere.  and although we travelled for a million hours to a place we'd never seen.  a place we will never see again.  we chose not to be like the other spring breakers.  we bunked at an interesting little hole in the wall with a fancy restaurant.  i guess he felt like we could splurge on the food since the accommodations were so sketch.  we sat down to breakfast and i was be-dazzled like only one could be in texas.  i ordered the yogurt parfait.  as it called out to me from the menu, i imagined that it was the perfect blend of all those things that mostly alluded me.  yogurt, granola, and fruit.

this morning i sat down to breakfast with my family.  i spent the better part of an hour making granola.  we were scheduled to eat yogurt parfait.  that's what i had written out on the menu schedule.  do not mess with my menu schedule.  i let the boys make their own.  they mostly stayed away from the granola.  and rightly so.  it was burnt.  i dipped my spoon in my special glass and was whisked right back to that fancy restaurant on the coast.  our memories do show up at the most unexpected times.  i hadn't thought of yogurt parfait ever.  not since that morning in corpus christi.  it still alludes me.  both corpus christi and mixtures of fruit and yogurt.  but the memory of my dad wasn't half bad.

one night at the cabin there was a spectacular sunset.  we all ran to get our cameras and then just stood there in awe.  people all up and down the river stood on their docks and watched the sun fade away.  i'm sure most of them were thinking, like us, that it was amazing.  but there was one lonely voice in the crowd who piped up at just the right minute.  "it looks like evil rising," says sweet pea.  you heard the needle on the record scrape too, right?  that kid.  we just shake our heads. 

we are "that" family

we pulled over at the entrance to west yellowstone.  it started a whole thing....cars double wide onto the highway.  we were embarrassed.  but the boys are doing the summer reading program at the library and they had to get their pictures taken on vacation with "dougy the dog" (not pictured).

this is my favorite picture of our vacation.  we had a picnic on the bank of the yellowstone river.  it was one peaceful moment.  one moment i will have to pull out of my back pocket when the hundreds of crazy moments start to overwhelm me.

it was the 20th anniversary of yellowstone's junior ranger program.  both boys earned their badges.  it took us three days to gather all of the information to complete the requirements.  at the end, the park ranger made the boys raise their right hands (the other right) and repeat a special oath to always be stewards of the park.  and then very proudly she called everyone in the station to order and presented the two brand new junior rangers of yellowstone national park.  they were so proud.

soap box time. it's bison not buffalo.  buffalo are in africa, bison are in america.

that being said, we were driving through the hayden valley enjoying the bison.  sweet pea asked what that white dog was doing out there in the meadow.  WHITE DOG?!  upon further inspection we see what we believe was a wolf, possibly the alpha female of that pack (a park ranger told us she was the only grey/ white wolf), stalking the bison.  AMAZING.  i have waited at least ten years to see a wolf in the park.  it was hands down the best moment for both of us.  sweet pea was so excited to have made that find. 

if you haven't been.  yellowstone is amazing.  truly.

Dragon's Cauldron

  

seeing the forest through the trees

i love how a long vacation can serve you up with a fresh dose of perspective.  much needed.  looking forward to sharing all the goodness in the coming days.

and.

a new edition of the ever popular name that wildflower contest.  i know you are waiting with bated breath.

moonlight beach

sandy self portrait

haiti - anything is possible

the job i was assigned to do in haiti was dirty.  it was difficult.  but rewarding nonetheless.  rewarding for me in intangible ways.  it is where i learned that anything is possible.  we worked at frere manse.  the pastor's home.  but he was not the pastor of the church at the frere manse campus.  see.  it's complicated.  always.  but pastor fed lived at frere manse for the time being, and it was structurally damaged in the earthquake.  it needed to be repaired.  his real home,  that he and his wife violet {vee-o-let} lived in before the earthquake, was damaged beyond repair.  he was kind of our project manager.  or maybe she was.  anything is possible.

every day we would chip away at the stucco concrete-ish plaster that covered the brick/ rock layer of building beneath. we were careful not to get plaster in the water well inside.  {and it just dawned on me that they had inside water.  even if they did have to gather it in buckets to use.  that is no little thing.}  i used a hammer and pry bar for at least 5 hours a day.  i had gloves, a mask and goggles.  i also had blisters.  but, truly, i had very little in the way of aches and pains to complain about.  anything is possible.

i pushed myself further than i've ever gone physically.  simply because i wanted to work THAT hard every day.  i put aside any discomfort because i wanted hard, hard work.  but on the very last day, i stood on the ladder.  i made my way around the room chipping away.  my arms were done.  with a capital D.  in walks pastor tom, who oversees the guest house.  i said, "i think i will not be able to finish what is left of this room."  he said, "yes, you will.  anything is possible."

he was right, you know.  i found that anything is possible in haiti.  and those words have become my mantra.  anything is possible. 

{photo credit to my team member cathy whitlatch}

today a new leader was announced in haiti.  a rock star, now president.  anything is possible.  the woman who lost the election was one of the educated elite.  a likely candidate for president.  dismissed.  anything is possible. 

{photo credit to my team member cathy whitlatch}

i don't know what haiti will look like with a new leader.  because...{say it with me} anything is possible.  hurricanes, earthquakes, and cholera.  those things happen.  growth, survival, and hope.  those things happen, too.  someday hard work pays off.  someday there is a reward for the challenges endured.  not always on the time frame we choose.  i sit here so far away, now, from haiti.  knowing so little about it's complexities.  wondering about how far i travelled to put those pieces of faith together.  and i say a little prayer in my heart for the people who have put their hopes into this rock star.  for those who didn't.  that he can live up to their expectations.  maybe in this lifetime.  and the one thing i know deep inside is that especially in haiti, anything is possible.

haiti - center of attention

a little one popped up in the middle of my lens unexpectedly.

pure sunshine. 

small world

my husband called me from the patagonia region of argentina.  he was standing on the bank of a river.  the only spot for miles with cell phone coverage.  he said everyone goes there to make their calls.  i imagined him huddled up with many argentinians as they chatted away to their loved ones.  they went camping and he said he imagined it to be similar to my experience in haiti.  the people he met pumped their water from the lake by hand.  they have no electricity.  they have enough, but it is primitive living.  and yet, as they entered the information office the one lonely computer in the whole region with internet access was being used by argentinians to access facebook.

our translator in haiti used the computer at the guesthouse to check his facebook account.  my sweet girl communicated her safety in the aftermath of the japanese earthquake via facebook.  but, it's not about facebook really.  it's about that special notion that lies within, waiting for the light of day.  something far reaching.  a distance just beyond our wildest dreams. 

i wonder if mark zuckerberg imagined people in rural argentina using facebook to connect? 

it's in every corner of the world.  there's no electricity, but they have a facebook account.  uprisings are mobilized.  voices are heard.  connections are made.  it was an idea resulting in a magnitude of possibilities.  one drop in the bucket and its ripples.  i find it amazing to think that any of us as individuals might have the power to change the world.  that anything is possible. 

good friend bobbie

i have certainly been remiss in watching a lot of news since returning from haiti.  so it was shocking for me to find that our good friend bobbie had experienced a second earthquake on the south island of new zealand.  i got the news that she was safe before i knew that there was danger. 

it has been almost ten years since tall jen, la, and i stood outside the cathedral in christchurch on our first trip to new zealand.

Christchurch Cathedral, damaged in the earthquake. Photo credit: Senaz, via Twitpic

bobbie emailed to say that the reconstruction would be manageable in a wealthy country like nz.  that we, in the world, should not forget a nation like haiti that was still struggling.  but i saw the look in the eyes of the haitians.  and i know that buildings will be rebuilt.  lives will start over.  but the trauma may take a lifetime to repair.  so don't dismiss the people of new zealand. and don't forget the people of haiti.  and pray that they recover.  pray for their safety both physically and mentally.

xoxo

haiti part 9 - always expect the unexpected

i'm out of here.  i will be away from january 31st to february 8th.  we will be staying in the methodist guest house in petionville.  and working there.  that's what i know.  i will deliver your hearts with love and care.  and if anything changes i'll keep you updated.

please follow our trip to haiti by clicking here. 

we are also on twitter @heartsforh8i.

pictures here.

UMVIM Haiti Response information here.

thank you so much for your support.  thank you for your kindness.

keep brad in your thoughts as he wrangles sweet pea and beans solo.

love to you all.

xoxo

hello, hello.

thanks to everyone who hosted us, played with us, visited, ate, laughed and made this holiday really special.  

haiti part four - addendum to part three

this morning on design mom, gabrielle posted about a live chat from haiti.  it starts at 12 pm MST.  you can also read about it here:  hearts on haiti.

have a nice weekend.
xoxo




 

haiti part three - communication

Hi Ayiti Manm Ekip! Byenveni nan sa a blog. (Haitian Creole to English translation - Hi Haiti team members!  Welcome to this blog.)

i sent out this hilariously long email today to all the the folks i'm going to haiti with.  after i was through i realized that i must be seriously deprived in the haiti conversation department (my friends are rolling their eyes right now saying..."no you're not!").  the email was so long they might have all fallen asleep while reading it.  anyway, i invited the team to check out sweet pea and beans because...

guess what job i was assigned?  a blog.  about haiti.  i am so excited.  i can't wait to get started.  i'm hoping to add a whole bunch of tools so that our friends and family will be able to follow us every step of the way.  i'm thinking flikr, twitter, fb, etc.  does anyone know of a haitian creole language translator that can be added to blogger?!?  internet connectivity in haiti is my unknown right now.  

i also get to help out with VBS.  so, i have been gathering "equipment" for the kiddos.  i am putting together a bunch of things like inflatable balls, jump ropes, soccer balls, etc.  we are doing a project for sweet pea's kindergarten class to work on.  one we will exchange with the littles in haiti.  he is so excited to be a part of the trip, and to contribute.

i mentioned to our team that there are lots of you out there who want to support and help us with our trip.  as each of us has been assigned to or has volunteered for different tasks, i will let you know if there is anything specifically needed by the team.

finally, i just wanted to share a couple of blogs i've found about haiti in the last few days.   

on the goat path

livesay [haiti] weblog

yellowstone haiti 2010

i am never short of reading materials.  or words (as i told my team members).

haiti part one - change

haiti.  slowly the word haiti has seeped into my pores.  a year ago i chatted with a neighbor about how her church was involved in many ongoing projects there.  she said with tears in her eyes how the need was so great.  a friend travelled there and documented the conditions.  prior to the earthquake.  disasterous.  little by little i was learning more and more about a place that was far from my day to day routine.  then there was an earthquake that multiplied the devastation to indescribable proportions.  it brought that tiny country's dysfunction to the forefront.  and decades, centuries, of struggle weighed on the minds of the world.  how best to help a country with a failing infrastructure.  how best to help children.  how to reunite families.  how to rebuild what was already broken.

brad's step mom went to haiti months ago and we talked about what it was like there and what still needed to be done.  while she was sharing her experience, i had an overwhelming feeling like i should be there.  on the ground.  using my hands.  to give something in a place where i was completely anonymous.  to someone who would never know me again.  where i could do good hard work.  and as she finished her story she mentioned she was going back.  and truly, i was left with a gift.  all i had to do was open it.  i told her right away, "i'm going with you."  she continued to talk more about putting her team together and what kind of work they might do.  i realized i had only rattled the box.  i wasn't sure she had heard me.  more emphatically i said, "i am going with you."

i worried about leaving my boys.  but in my heart i was resigned to the fact that the need in haiti was so much greater than any fear i could ever have.  so much bigger than anything i could comprehend.  that someones little was sick and lonely in the world.  that someones husband was missing.  that they were starving.  that they had no where to go.  in my heart i find it necessary to contribute, in some way, to the well being of the world.  be it cleaning birds in the gulf.  building shelter for our neighbors in louisiana.  protecting democracy.  or helping a small child navigate its way through life.  haiti feels like where i should be.  and in choosing this path i hope to teach my boys to take the risk.  to choose humanity.  to value culture.  to be the kind of boys who will grow into men who serve a greater good.   

i wrote but never posted this entry below.  please read:

january 21, 2009.  with all that was going on in the world yesterday, i realized that there are much grander things and more defining moments than the one i am in now. that there is a big picture. but as i sat there watching the inauguration with sweet pea i remembered this quote, "you must be the change you wish to see in the world." and i thought to myself, you must be the change you wish to see in your own world too.

the gift was in my heart all along.  i just hadn't found the voice for it yet.  and even up to this very moment where the words are leaking out little by little, i wasn't quite sure how to say it.  i am going.  i am going to haiti in february.  i'm not sure where we will be located, but it will (most likely) not be in port au prince.  one of the main goals in the recovery process is to stimulate local economies.  to get people out of port au prince and back to work in their own communities.  some will feed to work.  some will work to feed.  there will be a health clinic.  and re-building.  and lots of time to care for children.  and i'm sure as my heart finds its voice it will scream with unabashed joy and utter despair.  i am so thankful to find the words, receive this gift, and have this place to tell you all about it. 

hazel

this woman's voice is liquid gold.  that's all i can say.  hazel miller.  i fell in love with her at red rocks one night when she performed with big head todd and the monsters.  you can hear her cameos all over their albums.  and any chance i get to witness her truth i take.  this weekend being no exception.

we all got a copy of her cd and asked if she would sign it.  when she got to mine she started to write (everyone spells my name wrong) so i began to spell it for her.  when i got to the "h" she stopped and hugged me and said, "thank you...finally an irish girl who spells her name right.  i didn't go through all those years with the nuns to not spell your name right."  then she looked at all of us and said we need some aretha girls?  and she belted out chain of fools right to us.  so much fun!

so watch and enjoy.  xoxo

ps  thanks mom and z for watching my babies.