now we're getting somewhere

these last months have seen me wandering.  or maybe just meandering.  taking the long way when there is a chance.  savoring moments.  sitting still with giggly boys. 

since 1974 i have not seen so many back roads.  grain elevators.  fields of green so lush you could take your shoes off and tiptoe for miles. 

once i had been rushing to get somewhere.  i moved swiftly and deftly around the others who were also rushing.  discipline.  achievment.  focus.  not straying from the path.  stacking these perfectly placed qualities one in front of the other to serve as a roadmap.  laid out before me like the farmer's fields.

and then i prayed that instead of the roads unfolding along the horizon.  unfolding in typical fashion.  that i would find the t-stop in the middle of nowhere.  that i would be sent in a different direction.  

it's my twenty year reunion this week.  and i am approaching that vintage milestone with only slight trepidation.    because the road that diverged into the wood?  i took the one most people do.  it was well travelled.  and i was going somewhere.  but now.  my thinking has changed.  and my pace has slowed.  i sometimes go right when i know left is the way.  and i find myself nowhere near rushed. 

what will it be like to see those people who knew me straight out of high school?  what will they think about the girl who scrapped the road all together?  the one who found herself sitting in the middle of a sunflower field just to know what the sun felt like on her face.  the girl who found herself surprisingly comfortable behind the lens of a camera, moreso than a desk.  the one who would write on a napkin if that was all there was.  what will they think about the girl who just realized she was already where she was meant to be?  effortless and free.  avoiding the rush of movers on their way.  wandering down a country road in the middle of nowhere.