the not falling off competition

ages ago i was an equestrian.  sounds so hoity toity.  actually i was paid to travel to horse shows because i was a nanny.  and i liked it.  so i competed.  i was partial to the safety of the slow, loping hunter courses.  but every once in awhile, my trainer would mix it up and throw me in the jumper ring.  whew.  i am was nervous.  that tension is 100% transferrable to the horse.  and nervous horses make for interesting rides.  i remember coming down a line completely holding my breath with white knuckles on the reigns.  i heard a voice in the crowd say to me, "breathe."  and i remember finishing the course and exiting the gate laughing.  right, breathe, why had i never thought of that.  seriously.  i also made a real big habit of counting the times i fell or got bucked off.  how many times my horse fell.  or tripped.  how many times i caused my horse to quit a fence.  i got somewhat obsessed with these facts.  and i started talking about it a lot.  truth be told, i was mainly focused on the one thing that scared me.  falling.  and that focus on falling prevented me from winning.  that is until i was reminded, "meg, it's not about how many times you fall.  this is not a falling off competition."  i thought about that advice the other day when i noticed myself beginning to quantify some failure or another.  and i realized this is not the kind of competition i want to be good at.  the quantity of "not doing well at something" is not the relevant statistic.  and when the focus is on "not doing well at something" success and freedom are fleeting.  i am so excited for november.  it is the perfect month to let go of the falling and focus on blessings and successes and the things that are done well.