haiti - human connection

i am trepidatious on a good day.  i proceed with caution.  chiggity check yourself before you wreck yourself should be my motto.  and it was no different when i went to haiti.  i struggled with so many things.  thinking through each step.  i had a fear that if i went to haiti and dealt with children it would be hugely detrimental to them.  so i was wary.  most of all i did not want to interfere.  how many other foreigners were me at one time, invading this orphanage, and then leaving.  i sat back and watched them blow bubbles.  play basketball.  interact with each other.  i tried not to intrude.

in so many ways haiti showed me that there is comfort and safety outside caution.  i was wary but they were not.  they drew me into the courtyard with their songs and games.  they held my hand and showed me the way.  and i was placed smack dab in the middle of my anxiety.  with a bright shiny girl and a silly boy in a denver broncos shirt.  they have had many people like me come in and out of their lives, but they were not the ones shying away from connection.  i was not the worst of their loss. 

lately her face has been haunting me. {do you see her in the back row?}  i can hear her voice.  i can picture her singing in front of all the boys.  a little too young to be insecure, but just starting to show her age.  i think about what a struggle it would be for a teen girl in this home.  with those quiet boys, almost men.  i know she was blessed to have a place after she lost her family.  she was fortunate that they made the exception to allow girls.  i can still see her eyes searching mine.  i can remember her confident words telling me things in kreyol.  and sense her amusement.  over all these days and months she is still in my heart.

i still feel the stinging on my hands as they slapped away.  i can picture the lines and ridges of their sweaty hands as they held mine.  i can feel the crusty scabs.  i can smell little boy hands.  the ones you would send to the bathroom for a good scrubbing. i was happy for the unwashed sense of their reality.  their shy eyes.  and wide, wide smiles.

i think of the man and his wife and son who watch over them all.  i wonder if english lessons afforded him the trip to japan for his agronomy studies {english agronomy class in japan}.  i wonder if he flew across oceans and continents only to suffer another string of terrifying earthquakes. 

i entered their home with trepidation and respect.  i was wary of connecting.  i had walls up ten feet thick.  and no matter how hard i struggled to maintain a distance.  the connection was inevitable. the after shocks still rumbling in my heart.