a gift

when i was in college i used to clean the house for my dad and grandpa. i was working off a debt i owed to dad for fixing my car. it was $1000. i worked off $50 at a time. pretty expensive cleaning lady if you ask me. ultimately i was doing a favor for my dad. sometimes he just needed a break from being a parent to his parent. as i would sweep the kitchen, grandpa would follow me around with the dustpan, cigarette hanging from his lips, warning me about my horse. "well, i remember the time that neighbor boy of mine got drug by his horse. my dad took the stirrups off my saddle after that. you'd do much better to ride without them as well." cigarette ashes spilling through the air, settling on the floor i just swept, he would drift into another story... "one time your grandmother and i took the kids to canada. we were driving along when i hear this voice booming from behind us. bud from colorado? you need to speed up. that damn police man must have been driving 60mph." i would start to rinse and put the coffee cups in the dishwasher as he rattled off the next story in his usual sequence, "you see that castle on the hill over there? i did the electrical work in that place. yes, old mrs. kimball used to call me when the power went out." pennies jingling in his pocket, he would stop to look at the bird and say, "that damn bird. she got out of the cage the other day. flew right into the window. she's lucky the cat didn't get her. that damn cat...it was sleeping on my pillow last night. where is that cat? here snow ball...here snowbie." glancing outside at the cat we somehow adopted (who NEVER slept inside) i used to think about how a life of hard work and so many stories settled into this conversation over and over again. my grandparents always had nice things. they had a refrigerator with water and ice, a car with electric controls on the seats, a new tv. my grandma had her hair done once a week. my grandpa retired from the explosives factory like most of the other men he knew. he saved. all his life. and in the end he worried terribly about where his money was going and who was stealing his things. he was suspicious for a week after i would clean. he questioned my dad. it's so hard to be in control when you're losing control. my dad was responsible for the check book, and he watched their savings go to the wonderfully expensive nursing home my grandma lived in. then he watched as medicaid paid for her to live in a wonderfully not so expensive nursing home for the rest of her life. oddly, they never expected she would be there for 15 years. that was never the plan. but as things go, in all their preparations and planning for retirement they never imagined their lives to end this way. eventually my dad and his sister were faced with the task of settling their parent's estate. they were also faced with the reality of my grandparent's dreams and life's hard work gone. gone with their savings. gone with any remaining assets. we were on the hook for the medicaid portion of grandma's nursing care. as a family we were eager to repay our debt to the government. my dad was preparing both mentally and physically to move back "to town." at that point he had lived more years in the family home than he had lived away from it. he was so torn. at times it was too much work. i can't help but feel it was out of honor for his parents that he did the due diligence and proceeded with the probate with just a glimmer of hope that when all was said and done there would be some way to save the home. some way he could pay a mortgage with his retirement. some way he and aunt bonnie could scrape it together. as the probate process came to a close and my grandparent's estate was final. then came the words of the judge that changed all of our lives and resurrected the lost dreams. he ruled that the state (and just out of curiosity's sake i would love to meet the person who caused this to happen) neglected to file its paperwork in a timely manner. therefore, the state had no claim in regards to my grandparent's estate. the state appealed. the state lost. case closed. and the rest is history. as i sat in that very kitchen this morning contemplating the floors and when i would have time to sweep, i was struck with the thought that our dreams and life's work pay off in ways that we can never imagine. in the next life. in our children's lives. for our families. for families of strangers. what a wonderfully woven dance we spin. people everywhere. how comforting and humbling it is to know that although my grandparent's dreams for some type of security and lasting legacy were not fulfilled as they had expected, ultimately their intentions have come to fruition in the lives of their living ancestors. for our family to find comfort in their hard work. children. grandchildren. great grandchildren. all under the same roof. the thought of that gives such meaning to our situation, particularly this year, and a sense of solace that things are as they should be. hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas...see you next year. xoxo