beyond the storm

yesterday i wrote about grief.  i mean i wrote about it for a week.  because, you guys, i am writing again.  but i can't leave things on a bleak and heart rendering note.  there is always hope even in the midst of despair.

i thought about grief as i was driving over a terrifyingly, snowy, mountain pass on sunday night.  i left my loved ones behind, and i knew i should not attempt the drive.  in fact, my husband said don't go.  i started with no end in sight.  very little sight at all.  there was low visibility because the wind was blowing stronger than i've ever seen.  i was worried about a lot of things i couldn't pinpoint.  i was afraid, but i knew that if i could make it to town i would be able to make a choice about whether to turn around or continue on.  that was how i handled all the parts of my trip home.  there were treacherous points where turning back was not an option.  there were points where i could not see ahead or behind.  there was panic and a complete loss of control.  those were all the fearful feelings of the unknown.  i had to continue driving until i could see the lights at the bottom of the hill.

that, my friends, is hopeful.  grief is one of those terrifying things that everyone tells you you will get through.  and you don't know whether to believe them or not.  grief is another form of fear.  it likes to get you all balled up inside worrying with anticipation about what's next.  and the truth is you have no control.  and the reality is that you have to go through terrible weather, terrible seasons, to get to the light.  and if you know nothing else, hear this.  there is always light at the end of dark places.  you don't know when you will find it.  you don't know how you will find it.  but you will find it if you have faith and persevere.