on faith and hope

 

almost two years ago to this day, my life started to change.  i wandered into a giant church and i sat quietly as the pastor talked about the five things God uses to grow your faith.  i wasn't there by accident.  i was told to get a blessing so that maybe my mind would be at ease about going.  i had never felt so moved.  i sat in my chair and silent tears poured down my face.  how was it that i hadn't been to a church in so long, and yet this message was tailored for my heart?  i had always wanted to help those in need, but i had not imagined that it would take me to haiti.  i had not imagined it would take me to church.  and i will admit it.  i was pretty scared.  so i sat in my chair.  ugly crying among strangers.  afraid and alone.

 

i'm a comfort zone kind of girl.  i fly under the radar.  i apologize for goodness.  i speak when spoken to.  as the sermon was coming to an end, i knew what i had to do.  only because someone gave me specific instructions.  walk to the front of the sanctuary.  find the pastor (turns out there were more than one at this church).  tell him where you are going.  tell him you are afraid.  ask him to bless you.  and that is what i did.  it became my first practice in asking for help and trusting the outcome to something bigger than myself.

 

like so many in haiti have done.

 

three years ago, the lives of the people living in haiti changed forever.  and they still ask for help.  and they still look for blessing.  it is a slow process.  i'm sure they feel forsaken.  and yet every day they go out and build and repair and grow.  despite the fear.  despite the hardship.  i still find so much hope in that.  i still feel as moved today as i did back then.

 

when next i meet my friends in haiti, we will have changed.  i imagine i won't be repairing what has been damaged as much as reinforcing what exists.

 

read about my first trip to haiti here.