just write

i've been feeling some not so gentle prodding to just sit down and write.  i walk through my days disconnected and a bit flat (oh man.  all those 5th grade flat chest jokes just crept up out of nowhere.)  i am working towards a life that looks a little more home centered and not a lot of me scattered to all ends of the earth.  but for some reason it forces me to be scattered to the ends of the earth peeking in at the boys fast asleep after a long hard day away.  i am not one to leave things bottled up.  my thoughts topple out through my mouth or my writing one way or the other.  my husband claims that i have to get at least 60,000 words out a day.  or else.  i guess i realize what or else is, now.  not writing leaves me feeling off center.  and at the same time, giving myself the time to sit down and write seems like too much of a luxury for a girl in my shoes.  especially when i have tax deadlines at work, and laundry on the table, and boys who just really want me to read the next book in the boxcar children series, and a puppy who recently lost his manhood and the ever increasing puddles on the kitchen floor that need to be adressed, and the old dog who can't help but make them and the road they want to build right through the middle of my valley view.  these are the things that keep me up at night.  that and the dogs and coyotes and the wayward youth that wander when it gets dark.  the postscript society may be on the verge of hugeness.  or.  it may just be some girls doing art in the midst of a million vintage treasures.  i have forgotten, if even just for a moment, what the thrill is.  how exciting it is to find the box marked "kitchen fragile".  the anticipation of being able to swim away from the bottom of the water slide.  looking forward to sitting on the back of a pony.  meeting new family.  climbing a grand rock face.  the anxiousness of travelling to lands unknown  so that i may meet fuji san at sunrise.  lifestyle changes:  melting pounds.  eating less.  excercising more.  living longer.  and just taking the time to sit down and let the words pour out.  it always makes me feel so much better.  if i would just...