when the words are lost

my friend called me up on the phone the other day to ask if i was a tortured soul.  you know the friend that, no matter how long it's been, can jump right in and see the your truth like it was bread and butter?  she said, "i read your blog today.  are you a tortured soul or something?"  i said i was not.  but maybe sometimes i am.  not tortured.  just conflicted.  and searching.  and questioning.  and i think right now i should have some real great words for a friend who lost her mom.  because i lost my dad.  but i don't have words.  and the ones i have feel all wrong.  or sound wrong.  i empathize with her for railing against death and wondering why it all has to happen now.  i know she is strong.  even in this, her darkest times.  i know that things can get worse.  i also know they get better.  but i can't say any of those things in a comforting way.  all i can do is just silently cry and listen when she needs to talk.  and just anguish inside to know that someone i love has to struggle through and find her own way.  just like i did.  am still doing.  me, the not tortured soul.  i pray that when she needs me to jump in i'll be able to speak the truth she needs to hear.  that i'll find the bread and butter words.