intoxicated

i meandered down the alley between houses and thought to myself more than once how amazing it is that i am where i am.  at times i feel intoxicated by my surroundings.  i drink in the changing leaves, i soak up the warm colorado sunshine, i relish in the slight breeze.  children giggling.  someone watching football in the garage.  chickens wandering.  elk bugling.  all sweet drops in my glass half full.

i love it all, man.  this crazy mixed up intoxicating life.  but don't think just because i'm all hopped up over here i don't know that it came from great sadness.  don't think for a minute i don't know why i live in this place every. single. day.  it's easy, just for a second, to get wrapped up in all of the blessings.  and i am blessed.  and very thankful.  but i am painfully aware of the other.

as i sit back and think about it, i realize that God might be doing something crazy to my heart right now.  showing me the world through beer goggles (or rose colored glasses...whatever your fancy).  showing me all of the beauty in not so pretty situations.  i have this nagging feeling inside.  the one that says you are about to do something.  you are about to make a move that will change everything.  and i'm powerless.  and i'm not quite sure what it's going to look like.  but for weeks i dream of the little girl in haiti, and a not so little girl lost, and two littles getting the best shot in this world with their new parents, and a sweet little angel of a blessing from ethiopia,  and those babies in downtown denver who are searching for truth while their mommas find ways to put food on the table.

i have been waking up in the morning sobered from my painful dreams.  wondering how i can face the day with reality staring me back in the face.  how will my life be reconciled?  how will i show i am gracious?  how will i be a blessing?